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[07 Aug 2002|12:14am] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
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Crushing... I'm too tired to give up, I'm too weak to fail. I'm crushing, sobbing, maybe even bleeding if ive lost it... have i? i dont know. i'm asleep and you wont wake me. i cant get away from it all. im locked inside. my strength in this world is gone and it needs to go away... i cant die. too many people need me alive, im the shoulder that everyone cries on, but my shoulder isnt here. its been gone for some time now. im watching it all burn away and fade away into nothingness. and im here, left all alone to watch it burn. to watch everything that ive ever worked for... fade away. and all my fears take over. im the angel that everyone else is looking for, im the arms that hold everyone safe when they need it. but why do they need it?!?! and whenever i feel this way, no ones there. and whenever i do try and stop feeling, when i do try to die, everyone's there to stop me. though they dont stop my emotions inside of me, they take away anything i could hurt myself with. they are nobody. because i am nobody. because i am dead and you left me here... you KNEW i needed you and that i was scared... no one cares. everyone killed me and now im dead. nothing left to hold onto when anyone needs me. ive faded away and im too tired to care, too weak to breathe. so please let me stop breathing... let me die. my mind has almost killed itself. im gunna go to hell, because suicide is a sin. We're all sinners... every last one of us. I dont know everything and all of you think that i do. ALL OF YOU. just let go, you're all holding onto me and i cant die with you all holding on. im crying, im begging... pleading even.... please let go of me and let me fall through the bottom where i cant crawl up and none of you can pull me back up again. it will never be ok. i dont want to live anymore. let me die, just LET ME FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!! i dont want to die... i dont wannt live.... everything is my fault, and it will always be my fault. un fading away, and im watching through my glass windows and you cant see me because im locked inside. but did you ever take the time to even look? no i didnt think so... YOU DIDNT CARE... so why should i? it has to get dark before you can see the stars..... but what if the sky is falling? ignore my rants...
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[ 1 mooo! ; i*m a cow ]
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| depression...sucks |
[01 Aug 2002|11:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
why do i feel so down right now... so depressed... so lonely and forgotten... i hate these feelings. im sick of being alone and just of... all these feelings. im on an emotional downward spiral and i have no idea what i need to do. everyone is always asking me what's wrong but i never talk to people about my problems. they either think that i just want attention and that im trying to throw myself a pity party and thats not the case at all. i hate people feeling sorry for me. i hate people thinking i want attention. ugh just shoot me now put meo ut of my fucking misery........
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[ 1 mooo! ; i*m a cow ]
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| missin my baby... :( |
[01 Aug 2002|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 horny |
] |
Hmm... today I joined a few communities. One is sextips heh and the other is birth control because well ive had a couple pregnancy scares lately so im keepin tabs on that. im so bored. and i miss tim so much. hes hangin out with his friend Mike, and I have to work tomorrow and i wont be able to see him :( blah. i got an application to work at Animan Jungle. that is definitely a place that i could picture myself working at, because i love animals so much. oh well. i miss tim :( i love you baby i wish you were here.
What's *Your* Sex Sign?
what movie symbolism are you? find out!
Which Sex and the City Vixen Best Matches Your Sex Style?
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[ i*m a cow ]
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| So bored, so bored... damn these tests |
[01 Aug 2002|07:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
[[10 Bands You've Seen Live]]
1. POD
2. Jimmie's Chicken Shack
3. Adema
4. Greenday
5. Blink 182
6. Boyz II Men
7. Creed
8. Drowning Pool
9. Aerosmith
10. 3rd Strike
[[09 Things You're Looking Forward To]]
1. Being with Tim
2. Talking to Tim
3. Having sex with Tim ;)
4. singing
5. Parties
6. my brother coming to visit
7. working at Animal Jungle
8. talkin to people online
9. work (occasionally)
[[08 Things You Wear Daily]]
1. earrings
2. belly ring
3. tank top
4. pants
5. thong
6. a clip in my hair
7. bra
8. some form of shoes
[[07 Last Movies You've Seen]]
1. Legally Blonde
2. Reign of Fire
3. Scream 1
4. Scream 2
5. Scream 3
6. Snow Dogs
7. Save the Last Dance
[[06 Things You Touch Everyday]]
1. phone/cellphone
2. my PC
3. pillow
4. hair
5. clothes
6. money
[[05 Things You Do Everyday]]
1. take a shower
2. sing
3. talk to tim
4. brush my teeth
5. listen to music
[[04 People You'd Want To Spend More Time With]]
1. My brother, Brian
2. the rest of my family
3. old friends
4. Tim
[[03 Last Words/Phrases You've Said/Thought]]
1. ""dad stop joking my laugh!"
2. "who is this?"
3. "shut up"
[[02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment]]
1. Greenday - Brain Stew
2. Mario - Just A Friend
[[01 Person You Could Spend The Rest Of Your Life With]]
1. Tim *crosses fingers*
PG-13 Now we're getting somewhere - your actions are
now past pre-teen level, and you're beginning to
display some more mature content in your life
"Which Movie Classification Are You?"
Test created by Jamie - take it here.
Take the Purrsonality Quiz!
What Obscure Animal are you?
 Primary
Ability:
Beastspeaker
Beastspeakers are gifted with the enviable ability to communicate with the animals around them. Most Beastspeakers are genuine people, and tend to enjoy time in the open air, instead of inside doing mundane chores. In general, Beastspeakers love the environment almost as much as they love their animals and friends.
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 Secondary
Ability:
Empath
Empaths posess the ability to feel the emotions of others. They are gentle people, who encourage and nurture others. They percieve the world with their hearts and not with their minds. Empaths make great friends because they understand people.
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What
is your Misfit Talent? |
|
[ i*m a cow ]
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| Lalala... |
[28 Jul 2002|04:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
Well guys, here it is... my new journal... I'll try and keep it updated as much as possible, but no promises because i forget sometimes and it's not exactly a first priority. Well, most people want to know what's been goin on in my life lately. Right now I'm watching Scream 3, Tim's at the beach with his friend, Mike. For all my old Live Journal friends, I'm goin out with a guy named Tim... we hooked up March 21st. Kinda strange the way we met and the way that we actually began talking but that's a whole other story. I'm sure that there is still some of you out there who remember me as a mindless, dramatic little bitch. That's not me... just your wrong impression I guess. The last your guys heard of me really was after I broke up with Matt and I was mad at Russell for talkin shit to Jimmy. Damn how things have changed since back then. I believe that was also the time that I was friends with Jason and we were messing around again. Well for all you who care or are just bored and wanna know, Jason and I went through some more shit... began when he thought i was talkin shit (i wasnt) then in NYC - same situation, then I turn out to be the bad guy - well actually according to him, I turned out to be a suicidal psychopathic whore who spreads her legs for anybody but hey... he made me that way in a sense. Anyway, he's fuckin Lauren DonoHO now... lately my life has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me. Tim and I are doing pretty good... we argue sometimes or have heated conversations about my depression or other things that I am really really uncomfortable talking about, but we always get through it. I really love him, so much. But anyway, I dont really feel liketyping much... maybe I will later.
~*Maddie*~
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[ i*m a cow ]
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